The Top 5 Sexiest Music Videos of All Time

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Some music videos are like mini movies, telling rich stories shared between complex characters, all set to the swelling score of a great song. Other music videos are all about the band, featuring the artists playing and singing their hearts out, totally committed to their craft. Other music videos are pretty much just raw sexual energy corralled into four-minute clips that happen to have music playing behind it. Now which kind of video do you want to talk about today?

5 Aerosmith – Crazy

From the very start of Aerosmith’s video for their hit 1994 song Crazy, you know that things are going to work out pretty well: the first thing we see are the legs of a young lady wearing a traditional “Catholic schoolgirl outfit.” Within a minute, we have indeed watched two “schoolgirls” stripping off much of their attire as they hit the road for a sexy adventure, and said girls are played by Alicia Silverstone and Liv Tyler. Who can forget the leather pants in the gas station? The impromptu strip club routine? Or that guy picking his nose for some reason?

4 Shakira – She Wolf

We did not know human hips could do what they apparently can when those hips belong to Colombian beauty Shakira. Her body appears to be largely made of water merely poured into the shape of a stunning, curvaceous female. Basically, this woman’s joints don’t follow the rules prescribed to the rest of us. And that nude colored, skintight suit she wears while dancing around in a cage doesn’t exactly bother us, to be honest.

3 Benny Benassi – Satisfaction

If you love power tools and beautiful, scantily clad women, then this music video stands at that very rare intersection you previously occupied alone. What fun for you! Indeed the whole two and a half minute video is nothing more than lusty ladies using tools and singing the song’s few repeated phrases, with occasional descriptions of the tools being used superimposed on the screen. Here’s a hint: the video is more about the women than the machinery. If you actually want to learn about belt sanders or dual action saws, head to Sears or the Home Depot.

2 Christina Aguilera – Not Myself Tonight

If you don’t mind potential nightmares accompanying your sexual arousal, then this decidedly strange but undeniably sexy video is the one for you! It features a bevy of fetishistic outfits, bisexual innuendo and plenty of skin. Aguilera dances around in everything from leather to lingerie while making it clear that she is “Not the same girl tonight.” The only real problem with this music video is the “music” to which it is set.

1 Eric Prydz – Call on Me

Why is this video in the number one spot for the sexiest video of all time? Because you couldn’t get much closer to an adult film without, y’know, just making an adult film. It is essentially nothing more than three minutes of scantily clad, fit women doing pelvic thrusts. And we don’t say “nothing more” in the pejorative sense, for the record. The song couldn’t be much simpler: the lyrics are the title, repeated over and over again, occasionally with the refrain “I’m the same boy I used to be” added in. Simple and repetitive, yes… but strangely, no one seems to mind.

Steven John is a published novelist and competitive pole vault champion. (The latter is not true.) His writing runs the gamut from speculative fiction to essays fueled by a mix of mirth and derision. He has never been to Lisbon but, statistically speaking, is probably taller than you.

0 thoughts on “The Top 5 Sexiest Music Videos of All Time”

  1. You realize the Eric Prydz song is actually a remix of Steve Winwoods “Valerie” dont you? Wish it was the Winwood original set to that video instead, but at least the Winwood video is fine for what it is.As for your list…5. Aerosmith – Crazy: Good pick. Liv in black leather pants is the best part! I would love to shoot my jizz in her mouth while she sat on my face wearing her leathers and sucking me! Too bad Alicia didnt bring her leathers to this video, Id do the same to her!4. Shakira – She Wolf: There are better Shakira videos than that one. The outfits are crappy, especially that outfit that makes her look naked! Might as well made this one a porno instead.3. Benny Benassi – Satisfaction: Poor mans “Call On Me”. One of the sluts should have at least been wearing a thong as most of the outfits are crap!2. Christina Aguilera – Not Myself Tonight: “Want A Girl Wants” proves that you dont have to show tons of skin to be sexy as Chriss black leather pants (way hotter than vinyl) proves in that video. Best of all, Chriss hair and make up makes her quite doable, unlike “Not Myself Tonight” with the different hairstyles and make ups throughout the video where most of it is horrible! Chris looks like a really skanky transsexual for the most part! And most of the outfits are horrible too. “What A Girl Wants” is still Chriss sexiest video to this day.1. Steve Winwood – Valerie (Eric Prydz “Call on Me” Remix): Yes, Im referring to this song for what it truly is, a remix of Steve Winwoods “Valerie”. Deal with it! In addition to the first paragraph at the top, all Ive got to say is EXCELLENT CHOICE! The slut in the thong playing the instructor is all you need. The other sluts are extra bonuses! I would certainly give that “instructor” the best anal shed ever have and more! Top 5 material indeed. Too bad the video doesnt use the original Winwood version of “Valerie” as Prydzs remix is too repetitive for its own good. But Ill take what I can get. Good work.Now my top 5:5. John Mellencamp – It Hurts So Good: Yeah, the sluts in this video may not be the most attractive, but their sexy charisma more than makes up for it. Id blow giant loads over their “pretty” faces anyday of the week!4. Steve Winwood – Valerie (Eric Prydz “Call on Me” Remix): See above.3. Madonna – Open Your Heart: Say what you will about Madonna, but she was one hot slut in this video with the short hair, pretty makeup and slutty outfit! Id give her deep anal while pulling her hair and then deep throat her while still pulling her hair so she knows whos in charge and Id top it off by giving her a full facial and make her swallow it like the good little whore that she is!2. Nancy Sinatra – These Boots Are Made For Walking: Bet you forget about this one. Lets see, sweaters, underwear, pantyhose and of course the boots. Whats not to love? Best of all, Nancy bought a ton of “friends” over and they are all doable! Id gangbang each of these sluts until each of them collapse in sheer exhaustion. After that, I would have my alone time with Nancy and give her all the lovin in the world that ends with me cumming inside of her during deep penetration.1. Cher – If I Could Turn Back Time: What can I say, this woman is a pure pioneer in sex appeal with the black thong, black leather jacket, black leather boots and pantyhose. And the tattoos on her butt. Wow! This woman was made to be screwed! Id do everything to her, especially licking her creamy crack! This woman is a true sex goddess. And thus earns my highest recommendation!So there you go.

  2. Other list of top sexiest video ever has Toxic by Spears at #1. She was only knocked out of MTV VMA by Jacksons wardrobe malft. (nip-slip, that was no accident) at the Superbowl.

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